my heart quickly beating
my hands simply shaking
my prayer quietly being whispered
its more than simple affection
its the way i can't get you out of my head
when you're not in my arms
a quick drawn breath,
your head leaned against mine
my prayer possibly being answered
i get up to leave,
you give my hand a quick squeeze
the imprint of your hand will never fade
a scary drive home
i just can't focus on the road
because your face seems to fill my vision
this is decision time
do i take the plunge to the unknown
or do i simply let you go as a memory
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
On the eve of my turning eighteen...
...and a lot has changed. I would like to say that I have grown up where necessary and have been able to stay a unruly teenager in others (hehe :D).
My friends are probably one of the biggest change from Sept 17, 2007 to Sept 17, 2008 and to anyone who reads my notes knows I love it. My eyes have been opened to a world beyond what I even knew existed; a world where people can cooperate even if they believe in different things.
The way I look at my faith has also changed in the past year. I used to think of God as the Savior of the world, but now I know He is so much more: He is the Savior of my soul. He's the reason I can get up in the morning breathing. His love is so tangible that I feel like I walk through it everyday.
A lot has also stayed the same. I still attend MVBC (rock on), I still play for our praise band (even though I now contribute some vocals every now and then), and I still drink Mt. Dew (but in much more moderation...unless I'm a Christian's house, then it's on).
A lot has come back to get me though. I can see the problems I have right now as problems I thought I had left behind so long ago. I've been depressed a lot lately and even though I think I've identified the culprit it's hard to move past. Hopefully in time. But speaking of being depressed, a lot is different this time around. My last bought with depression was mostly over a huge lack of self-confidence and other ghosts from the past. This time it's more of a girl thing. Seems every time I try to get attention I lose it, then when I don't want the attention is when I get it. Some wouldn't see this as a huge problem, but it is for me because the people I care about slip away and I can't seem to make it OK. I try to figure out what went wrong and I can't. It sucks by the way.
So today, my last day being 17, sucked. But hopefully when I wake up the magic of being 18 will wipe it all away. I'm not holding my breath.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I thought I'd tack on this little thought:
My new friend Spencer was sharing his testimony and it reminded me a lot of my own life. I struggle with being accepted a lot. Everyone stuggles with it in some way, shape, or form but it seems to be a really big deal for me. Partly because of my past I guess, but I hate it regardless. I wish I believed in myself enough to not care what other people think, but whenever someone I care about is angry with me and I don't know it is so hard. From past attempts I know it's futile to try to fix it, so I guess right now I'm gonna let it be.
But can I just encourage you guys not to worry about what other people think? Maybe we can go through this together. I can picture some of us being our own little revolution, a revolution where we do what we want not because other people influence us to do them, but because we want to and we can make our own decisions.
*i originally posted this on my facebook notes on the night before my birthday, september 17th. sorry for the delay in posting it here*
My friends are probably one of the biggest change from Sept 17, 2007 to Sept 17, 2008 and to anyone who reads my notes knows I love it. My eyes have been opened to a world beyond what I even knew existed; a world where people can cooperate even if they believe in different things.
The way I look at my faith has also changed in the past year. I used to think of God as the Savior of the world, but now I know He is so much more: He is the Savior of my soul. He's the reason I can get up in the morning breathing. His love is so tangible that I feel like I walk through it everyday.
A lot has also stayed the same. I still attend MVBC (rock on), I still play for our praise band (even though I now contribute some vocals every now and then), and I still drink Mt. Dew (but in much more moderation...unless I'm a Christian's house, then it's on).
A lot has come back to get me though. I can see the problems I have right now as problems I thought I had left behind so long ago. I've been depressed a lot lately and even though I think I've identified the culprit it's hard to move past. Hopefully in time. But speaking of being depressed, a lot is different this time around. My last bought with depression was mostly over a huge lack of self-confidence and other ghosts from the past. This time it's more of a girl thing. Seems every time I try to get attention I lose it, then when I don't want the attention is when I get it. Some wouldn't see this as a huge problem, but it is for me because the people I care about slip away and I can't seem to make it OK. I try to figure out what went wrong and I can't. It sucks by the way.
So today, my last day being 17, sucked. But hopefully when I wake up the magic of being 18 will wipe it all away. I'm not holding my breath.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I thought I'd tack on this little thought:
My new friend Spencer was sharing his testimony and it reminded me a lot of my own life. I struggle with being accepted a lot. Everyone stuggles with it in some way, shape, or form but it seems to be a really big deal for me. Partly because of my past I guess, but I hate it regardless. I wish I believed in myself enough to not care what other people think, but whenever someone I care about is angry with me and I don't know it is so hard. From past attempts I know it's futile to try to fix it, so I guess right now I'm gonna let it be.
But can I just encourage you guys not to worry about what other people think? Maybe we can go through this together. I can picture some of us being our own little revolution, a revolution where we do what we want not because other people influence us to do them, but because we want to and we can make our own decisions.
*i originally posted this on my facebook notes on the night before my birthday, september 17th. sorry for the delay in posting it here*
White Lines and White Lies
*this is not of past or present events, but hopefully sometime in the future*
This is where white lines and white lies cross
And I pray to God we are not lost
A traveled road is a path to somewhere
But we met on a less worn road
We drive down a road, not talking about much
But as fate would have it, we accidentally touch
A spark is formed, the match is lit
This helpless romantic is thrown from his pit
As we walked you took my hand
You complained about the weather, but I love it
Because you get up close and we wrap up tight
As we lay on the snow and gaze at the night
As the season changes, so do you
Gone are the days of your dark blue hue
The sun comes up and melts your icy edges
As we watch leaves grow on top of stone ledges
And from out of the darkness comes a light
You make me feel like a winner in this fight
From that light there comes a sound
We were lost, but thank God now we are found
This is where white lines and white lies cross
And I thank God we are not lost
A traveled road is a path to somewhere
We are now on a less worn road
This is where white lines and white lies cross
And I pray to God we are not lost
A traveled road is a path to somewhere
But we met on a less worn road
We drive down a road, not talking about much
But as fate would have it, we accidentally touch
A spark is formed, the match is lit
This helpless romantic is thrown from his pit
As we walked you took my hand
You complained about the weather, but I love it
Because you get up close and we wrap up tight
As we lay on the snow and gaze at the night
As the season changes, so do you
Gone are the days of your dark blue hue
The sun comes up and melts your icy edges
As we watch leaves grow on top of stone ledges
And from out of the darkness comes a light
You make me feel like a winner in this fight
From that light there comes a sound
We were lost, but thank God now we are found
This is where white lines and white lies cross
And I thank God we are not lost
A traveled road is a path to somewhere
We are now on a less worn road
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
To cuss or not to cuss...is that a question?
Surprisingly for myself, the question of cussing has come up recently among me and my friends, especially when I began using some "minor" swear words. I had myself a little pow-wow with a piece of paper, pencil and my Bible to try to discover should Christians cuss.
*Disclaimer: if your parents/guardians tells you shouldn't cuss, you shouldn't cuss. God has commanded us to respect our elders and the authorities He has placed over us. If you're looking for a way out of it, there isn't one. The only gray area is when you move out and your parents are taking care of you anymore. That is the only way I think that you can do something against your parents. At that point parent's can give us advice, but in the end it's up to God.*
*Disclaimer 2: I will be using censored versions of words for clarification, so if that offends you please don't tell me it does. I warned you*
Outside of that, should Christians cuss? What I found interesting is that although the Scriptures do tell us to let unholy words come out of our lips, it doesn't really specify in that passage what "unholy words" are. You look elsewhere and find that Jesus speaks against coarse joking, putting other people down with our words, and lying but He doesn't come right out say "You shouldn't cuss". This is most likely because there wasn't any real "cuss" words around in 30 AD. So how do we apply this to today?
One of my friends said that cuss words are just jumbled up letters that people have formed bad connotations to. Most people don't immediately freak out when someone says "poop" but some people do when you drop the s-bomb. Same meaning, but society has attached bad connotations to it. Here's my opinion.
Christians shouldn't use cuss words to put down other people. You shouldn't put other people down period. An example would be "Look at her, she looks like a piece of s***." An example of not putting someone down is when you stub your toe and you cry out the s-bomb.
Like I said, I'm not sure about this one. This one is more for discussion.
*Disclaimer: if your parents/guardians tells you shouldn't cuss, you shouldn't cuss. God has commanded us to respect our elders and the authorities He has placed over us. If you're looking for a way out of it, there isn't one. The only gray area is when you move out and your parents are taking care of you anymore. That is the only way I think that you can do something against your parents. At that point parent's can give us advice, but in the end it's up to God.*
*Disclaimer 2: I will be using censored versions of words for clarification, so if that offends you please don't tell me it does. I warned you*
Outside of that, should Christians cuss? What I found interesting is that although the Scriptures do tell us to let unholy words come out of our lips, it doesn't really specify in that passage what "unholy words" are. You look elsewhere and find that Jesus speaks against coarse joking, putting other people down with our words, and lying but He doesn't come right out say "You shouldn't cuss". This is most likely because there wasn't any real "cuss" words around in 30 AD. So how do we apply this to today?
One of my friends said that cuss words are just jumbled up letters that people have formed bad connotations to. Most people don't immediately freak out when someone says "poop" but some people do when you drop the s-bomb. Same meaning, but society has attached bad connotations to it. Here's my opinion.
Christians shouldn't use cuss words to put down other people. You shouldn't put other people down period. An example would be "Look at her, she looks like a piece of s***." An example of not putting someone down is when you stub your toe and you cry out the s-bomb.
Like I said, I'm not sure about this one. This one is more for discussion.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Music Review #4 - Underoath: Lost In the Sound of Seperation
I don't know if anyone besides me checks out the website JesusFreakHideout.com much, but I visit there everyday in order to keep up with new Christian music releases and the such. Well Underoath's new cd "Lost In the Sound of Seperation" came out Tuesday, and they just poster their "review" of it last night/this morning. I was pretty disappointed in their review. They rated it what I would've rated it, but the actual body of the review was pathetic, so hopefully in the next day or so I'll write my own review for it on here. Be on the lookout!
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Artist: Underoath
Album: Lost In the Sound of Separation
Label: Solid State Records
Release Date: 09/02/08
Rating: ********** 10/10
I've been a fan of Underoath since around 2006 when I first heard their single "Reinventing Your Exit" on their CD "They're Only Chasing Safety". At the time I was a huge screamo/hardcore fan, so there was a select few songs on TOCS that I really enjoyed and only enjoyed those because of the singing of Aaron Gillespie, vocalist/drummer. When Underoath released their album "Define the Great Line" summer 2006 and it was marginally more hardcore then TOCS, I didn't really give it a good listen. Two years later, I have to appreciate the hardcore genre more. Looking back TOCS was my favorite Underoath album, but I enjoyed DTGL much more. Earlier this week however Underoath released their fifth studio album (third with vocalist Spencer Chamberlain), "Lost In the Sound of Seperation" I had a new favorite CD.
Not only is "Lost In the Sound..." a beautiful album, it also has many more Christian references that you can understand as you listen through the CD. The brutal CD opener "Breathing In a New Mentality" opens with the line "I'm the desperate, You're the Savior", a pretty blatant Christian reference for Underoath.
Musically I think Lost In the Sound of Separation is somewhere in between TOCS and DTGL. The whole album is overall more brutal and chaotic, but their are also times where they will bring it down some. On the second to last track on the album "Too Bright To See, Too Loud to Hear", non-screaming vocalist Aaron Gillespie does a good majority of the singing, a first for Underoath. This is also one of my favorite track on the CD because it really shows new maturity and real breaking ground for Underoath.
Album highlights include: "Breathing In A New Mentality", "Anyone Can Dig A Hole But It Takes A Real Man To Call It Home", "A Fault Line, A Fault of Mine",.....heck the whole album is a highlight. In all honesty, go to iTunes, spend the $10. It's cheaper than anywhere else plus you get a cool 15 minutes "Making Of..." video that is only available through the iTunes store.
---------------------------------------------------------
Artist: Underoath
Album: Lost In the Sound of Separation
Label: Solid State Records
Release Date: 09/02/08
Rating: ********** 10/10
I've been a fan of Underoath since around 2006 when I first heard their single "Reinventing Your Exit" on their CD "They're Only Chasing Safety". At the time I was a huge screamo/hardcore fan, so there was a select few songs on TOCS that I really enjoyed and only enjoyed those because of the singing of Aaron Gillespie, vocalist/drummer. When Underoath released their album "Define the Great Line" summer 2006 and it was marginally more hardcore then TOCS, I didn't really give it a good listen. Two years later, I have to appreciate the hardcore genre more. Looking back TOCS was my favorite Underoath album, but I enjoyed DTGL much more. Earlier this week however Underoath released their fifth studio album (third with vocalist Spencer Chamberlain), "Lost In the Sound of Seperation" I had a new favorite CD.
Not only is "Lost In the Sound..." a beautiful album, it also has many more Christian references that you can understand as you listen through the CD. The brutal CD opener "Breathing In a New Mentality" opens with the line "I'm the desperate, You're the Savior", a pretty blatant Christian reference for Underoath.
Musically I think Lost In the Sound of Separation is somewhere in between TOCS and DTGL. The whole album is overall more brutal and chaotic, but their are also times where they will bring it down some. On the second to last track on the album "Too Bright To See, Too Loud to Hear", non-screaming vocalist Aaron Gillespie does a good majority of the singing, a first for Underoath. This is also one of my favorite track on the CD because it really shows new maturity and real breaking ground for Underoath.
Album highlights include: "Breathing In A New Mentality", "Anyone Can Dig A Hole But It Takes A Real Man To Call It Home", "A Fault Line, A Fault of Mine",.....heck the whole album is a highlight. In all honesty, go to iTunes, spend the $10. It's cheaper than anywhere else plus you get a cool 15 minutes "Making Of..." video that is only available through the iTunes store.
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