...and a lot has changed. I would like to say that I have grown up where necessary and have been able to stay a unruly teenager in others (hehe :D).
My friends are probably one of the biggest change from Sept 17, 2007 to Sept 17, 2008 and to anyone who reads my notes knows I love it. My eyes have been opened to a world beyond what I even knew existed; a world where people can cooperate even if they believe in different things.
The way I look at my faith has also changed in the past year. I used to think of God as the Savior of the world, but now I know He is so much more: He is the Savior of my soul. He's the reason I can get up in the morning breathing. His love is so tangible that I feel like I walk through it everyday.
A lot has also stayed the same. I still attend MVBC (rock on), I still play for our praise band (even though I now contribute some vocals every now and then), and I still drink Mt. Dew (but in much more moderation...unless I'm a Christian's house, then it's on).
A lot has come back to get me though. I can see the problems I have right now as problems I thought I had left behind so long ago. I've been depressed a lot lately and even though I think I've identified the culprit it's hard to move past. Hopefully in time. But speaking of being depressed, a lot is different this time around. My last bought with depression was mostly over a huge lack of self-confidence and other ghosts from the past. This time it's more of a girl thing. Seems every time I try to get attention I lose it, then when I don't want the attention is when I get it. Some wouldn't see this as a huge problem, but it is for me because the people I care about slip away and I can't seem to make it OK. I try to figure out what went wrong and I can't. It sucks by the way.
So today, my last day being 17, sucked. But hopefully when I wake up the magic of being 18 will wipe it all away. I'm not holding my breath.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I thought I'd tack on this little thought:
My new friend Spencer was sharing his testimony and it reminded me a lot of my own life. I struggle with being accepted a lot. Everyone stuggles with it in some way, shape, or form but it seems to be a really big deal for me. Partly because of my past I guess, but I hate it regardless. I wish I believed in myself enough to not care what other people think, but whenever someone I care about is angry with me and I don't know it is so hard. From past attempts I know it's futile to try to fix it, so I guess right now I'm gonna let it be.
But can I just encourage you guys not to worry about what other people think? Maybe we can go through this together. I can picture some of us being our own little revolution, a revolution where we do what we want not because other people influence us to do them, but because we want to and we can make our own decisions.
*i originally posted this on my facebook notes on the night before my birthday, september 17th. sorry for the delay in posting it here*
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
i've had my fair share of depression. It used to be a big problem for me. I had trouble with believing in myself and self esteem and such. instead of surrounding myself with friends, i drifted away from them. i also was having touble with my faith in the Lord. but i regained faith. i know that God wants me to be happy. so now i'm pretty much happy all the time. i am so thankful and content with my life that bad things don't get me down as much. i can't really say i don't care what other people think of me now. but i just don't let what they might think of me control my life. i hope you get through this. i know what it's like and it makes me feel better knowing that i'm not alone. and that i wasn't the only one who went through that. happy belated.
Post a Comment