a ray of sunshine?

Overcast skies have brought overwhelming confusing with no hope for escape. I grow ever weary of looking to the sky to see a blanket of almost nothingness, I miss being able to see the almost 3D texture of elegant clouds accented by the sunlight, but they have been replaced with flat sheets much like your bed. These never brightening days drive me toward loneliness, the world reflecting my mood, my emotions, my feelings (every morning I pray for a ray of sunlight through the clouds and I am rewarded by a hand nestled in mine. coincidence? i think not, because when the clouds are too much I run away from it all and I can't be trusted with myself).

And these past weeks there has been an inner battle fighting and raging, one side looking to something unhealthy but guaranteed for relief and the other striving to something healthy and beautiful, yet its presence is never a sure thing. So far I have fended off the wolves biting on my heels but my legs grow weak and tired of running and my heart aches for a place instead of my hands.

This cage still surrounds me unexpectedly; the keys are just out of reach and I can almost reach.

Leaving for a couple of days are going to kill me. I anticipate coming home with pages and pages written by a fireplace without you by my side and I don't know if I have anything to look forward to when I return. Am I going to be seeing you? or am I going to simply be held behind these four walls. If the latter comes to be the case, expect calls needing to see you, with my parents gone and my chains released for a couple of hours I will need you to say yes and drive quickly to some pre-decided place (most likely somewhere with coffee and other assorted hot drinks) so I can simply look into your eyes and cry "This is where I'm supposed to be, where are you supposed to be?"

And this letter I have in my bag for you is words of honesty and goofiness, but know that if I do give this to you I don't do many things with out meaning behind every word and every sentence, because that's my game, to relive conversations and pick apart our words to find the meaning behind them (our unconsciousness appears more often you would like to believe, each word has premeditated meaning and every sentence reveals more than just how I'm doing today).

Forever Warm

We're waiting here in the dark
For something to come along and light the spark
But my heart is lying in broken pieces, incomplete,
Without you by my side

So won’t you heal me, complete me
Take my hands and tell me you need me
This world is cold with harsh wind and snow
But as long as you hold this song in your heart,
You will be forever warm

And now we’re here, by the light
Holding on to something that just feels right
But my heart is lying in broken pieces, incomplete
Without you by my side

So won’t you heal me, complete me
Take my hands and tell me you need me
This world is cold with harsh wind and snow
But as long as this song is in your heart,
You will be forever warm

Reach up, I’ll take you hand
And raise you up from the dead
I’ll be here for you tonight
Lean against me and feel alright

Because you heal me, complete me
You took my hands and told me you need me
This world is cold with harsh wind and snow
But as long as this song is in your heart,
You will be forever warm

Honestly/Thanks from TWLOHA / Thanksgiving to me

Hey everyone. I know this is a little late seeing as Thanksgiving has come and gone, but I read this and it really hit me big. This is a blog from To Write Love On Her Arms that was posted a little over a week ago that I wanted to share. I added stuff to the end with my own thoughts.

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http://www.twloha.com/blog/honestly-thanks/

Just wanted to say a quick hello and Happy Thanksgiving. It's an interesting day where families get together and we're invited to consider the things for which we're thankful. i suppose this holiday, like pretty much every holiday, can look and feel a lot of different ways. In some homes, i imagine it's epic and people stand and share aloud the things they're thankful for. For others, it might just be a lot of football on television and conversations that stick close to the surface. Maybe it's a day you love and look forward to, an easy day. Maybe it's a difficult day, rooms filled with elephants, things left unsaid or people simply missing...

No matter which version sounds familiar, i think there's something powerful about taking a day or even some fraction of a day and pausing to consider that we have some things to be thankful for. Because if we're not careful, we start to buy the lies... We start to believe that we have nothing or that we are nothing or that we're alone. Shame creeps in and tells us that we're stuck, that we're too far gone, that our family is broken beyond repair...

Maybe Thanksgiving is a chance to remember that which is true, and to say it in the face of the lies. i think it's important to remember that the story isn't over, that there are things worth fighting for and living for, that beauty still happens and love still happens. Hope and redemption as well.

Take a moment tonight and consider these things.
What do you have to be thankful for?
Who do you love?
Who loves you?
Who needs you?
What are your dreams?
What's worth fighting for?
What's worth running after?
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Thanksgiving was tough for me this year. With the recent passing of my mom's father and just some stuff that has popped up in my life the past month or so. I had high hopes for the break from school, hoping to take some time away from stuff and try to a objective look at my own life and see what the heck has been going on lately. My soul and emotions have been in raging turmoil the past weeks and I hate feeling that way I don't know what to do about it. I thought it was because of the lack of seeing my friends, because really my friends are my life. They keep me grounded, they keep me safe, they keep me alive. But upon my return to school and seeing them again, I discovered that was a deception; I only feel even more separated. I feel like people are treading on egg shells around me, that they don't treat me like a human being, but like a fragile doll. Some just don't, they seem to keep their distance and limit their time dealing with me to a bare minimal.

On Thanksgiving Day I wrote a list of things I'm thankful for and looking back it's a list of the most superficial crap. Friends, grades, what are they in the long run? I will be separated from the people I call friends now this time next year and I will have new friends. Don't get me wrong, I love all of you, but I can keep using you as my foundation, as the 'rock' i stand on because in reality its shifting sand. Even love, it's so fleeting. One moment you seem like you couldn't stand being apart from someone, the next you can't stand seeing them and you just have to walk away. The times spent together are amazing, and almost worth the time apart, but I give myself 9 months. In 9 months, where will we be? I will be following my heart and investing it in studying of the Word and investing into a younger generation and you will be either here or there, following your heart into the wilderness to find whatever is there.

I feel weird saying this, but I am thankful for my family and what they have provided for me. I will always love them, even though lately I definitely haven't liked them. They provide a house to return to, food to eat, clothes to wear, and a bed to sleep in. While I generally hate being there, my home is a constant in a life full of changing variables.

Above all, I am thankful for my Lord Jesus Christ and what He means to me. He will always be the Rock on which I stand. Even though I am quite often thrown off by the buffeting winds and try to stand on sand for a while, I always know He is there with outstretched hands ready to pull me back up. I don't live like I'm supposed to and yet He loves me.

So, in response to the questions Jamie posed at the end of his blog:
What do you have to be thankful for? a God who loves me unconditionally

Who do you love? I love my friends, despite what I often say, they do keep me alive a good portion of the time

Who loves you? At this moment, the only person's love I can count on are my parents and my God

Who needs you? No one, I am expendable.

What are your dreams? To one day be an example, someone people look up to

What's worth fighting for? My faith, my friends

What's worth running after? There is nothing worth running after except that which my God has laid before me

In closing, answer the questions yourself, and if you are up to it, post it. Everyone loves encouraging words, hugs of love, a simple smile full of affection. But often times what means the most to people (especially me who sucks at reading between the lines) are honest words that mean that say and say what you mean.

my prayer for you my friends...

*this is a prayer that i've been writing, adding to, and repeating for several weeks now and for some reason i felt like it needed to be shared*

Dear Father, thank you for waking me up this morning. Thank you for giving this breath, this breath, and this breath. Thank you for giving me this really warm bed to wake up in, thanks for this super warm blanket you provided for me.

Father, I pray that you would bless my friends today. I pray for those that know You personally, that they would grow in You today and help me grow. I pray for those that have heard about You, but have not given their life to you, that their eyes would be open to the life You have to offer them and that You would give me boldness to live a life that would set an example of You for them. I pray for those that have not heard, that You would give me the courage to say something to them and that You would give me the words to say.

I pray for Maggie, Daniel, Freddy, Breanna, Carlee, Christian, Ethan, Eugene, Iffy, Kaylie, Murray, Danny, KD, Elizabeth, Win, Eve, Katherine, and anyone else Father that I have forgotten. Be with them today as they do the things they do, keep them safe and healthy, and show yourself to them in ways that maybe they've never experienced before.

And lastly Father, please bless me today. Keep me safe in the piece of tin I like to call a car. Keep my heart and mind pure, keep my tongue away from evil, keep my feet on the path You have already placed before me for today.

Lord, thank you for being You. Thank you for fixing the things I screw up everyday, thank you for the people you have placed in my life and for the relationships you have given me.

Lets Make Today Worth Living (Together)

Lets make today worth living together
Cause I can’t do it with out you by my side
Grab my hand and we’ll leave this town forever
If we stick together we can never be denied

The days are getting shorter, the weathers getting colder
So come with me, don’t be afraid, we can make it through

They can tell us we don’t belong, but don’t listen to them
Because when you look into my eyes we can tell we’re meant to be
Don’t look away, don’t let go

Lets make today worth living together
Cause I can’t do it with out you by my side
Grab my hand and we’ll leave this town forever
If we stick together we can never be denied

We’re on our way, on our way to the coast
Where we’ll sit on the pier hand in hand watching the sun

They can tell us we don’t belong, but don’t listen to them
Because when you look into my eyes we can tell we’re meant to be
Don’t look away, don’t let go

Lets make today worth living together
Cause I can’t do it with out you by my side
Grab my hand and we’ll leave this town forever
If we stick together we can never be denied

Please don’t let me go, don’t say you’re sorry
This is where we’re meant to be
Please don’t leave me here, don’t say you’re sorry
This is where we’re meant to be
Cause you're the reason I open my eyes
You're the reason I close my hands
You're the reason I can hold on
You're the reason I live

They can tell us we don’t belong, but don’t listen to them
Because when you look into my eyes we can tell we’re meant to be
Don’t look away, don’t let go

Lets make today worth living together
Cause I can’t do it with out you by my side
Grab my hand and we’ll leave this town forever
If we stick together we can never be denied

This Is Me (Undercover)

I feel like I'm undercover, pretending to be someone more that who I am, pretending to be what you deserve and more. I hope you never find out just how much you are worth, but I will try to my best for you. These words are not merely words on a page for you to read, these are words embedded into my heart. I can come up with so many cheesy romantic analogies to fill the 50,000 word requirement for the month, but to be honest I don't think that is what attracts you. I have never met anyone with so many intricate mysteries; I would say I know you, but then I don't really know all that much. I have heard many stories that reveal the characteristics in you that I love, but I don't really know you, and I'm okay with that. We are all who we are and we all reveal the parts of ourselves we wish to reveal.

This is so different than what I've experienced in the past and that scares me a little bit, but only a little. The rest is unconstrained excitement, with dreams and thoughts of what is to come. The unknown can be scary sometimes, but I think you've got it all worked out. Haha, isn't that what usually happens?

Can I even consider myself lucky? I would say yes because I don't feel like I worked toward this and I don't know what would cause you to ever like a guy like me. Most girls see me as the "nice guy" and I get trapped in the friend zone forever. I see myself as the awkward fool, brought along for entertainment. I can't even imagine what you see, but I would sure like to know.

UNITED WE STAND

here we are again, life is but a circle
from the ground we were made and we will all eventually return
what is life but an endless circle, made interesting by those around us
we drive each other, spur each other on in this journey

we are social creatures, meant to be out in the world
we are not meant to be locked away, not meant to be separate from others
its the contact, the conversation, the confusion of life that drives us
and we receive all that through each other

we are footholds for each other, lifting points to climb higher
the higher we get the bigger risk, but oh what a view from up above
we bend down and grab each others hands so they can join us and see what we see
standing at the top, what a rush, what a thrill

but we cannot do it without each other, no one wants to make the climb alone
no one wants to reach the top with no one to share the view with
and yet we are so picky to chose who can join us for the climb
no, not you, you aren't pretty enough, you're not smart enough

let us join hands together, in unity
people of all skin tone, all languages, all backgrounds, all religions, all orientations
while we have our differences and we have our problems
we were not created to be alone, to be a separate people

what do we strive for, what do we yearn for?
we all just yearn for peace, we all just yearn for prosperity
can we not live together on this planet called earth
and realize that we are all the same, human

UNITED WE STAND

Are there words to describe what we feel? Have our emotions transcended what our words can describe, can they only scratch the surface of what is really happening underneath on a deeper level? Can a camera shutter capture our adventures in true detail or should we rely on our memories to define our journeys on gravel roads covered with leaves? Is a text message a viable medium for our conversations, can our words even convey our exchanges like our eyes can? Could we find a song that describes us or should we write our own?

No, what we feel is beyond that. We have leapt into the lake previously forbidden; we have adventured to the edge of what we have known. I can’t imagine a simple frame holding all that a picture of us together can release. Our glances are full of the emotion, but if we must I will gladly lay beside you just talking of the most random things, because that connection between us is enough. I have searched long and hard to find lyrics that fit us the best with no avail, so as we journey we write our own. Maybe one day, one day, I can sing this song to you and memories will flood your mind of the times we’ve had.

A collection of other people’s words are all I have to give to you, I hope they are enough. I was never as creative as you with your elegant prose, your beauty transferred to a page. What I have is not fancy words, what I have is not something pretty to look at by any means. I can only offer you what I feel. Regardless of how awkward I may be, I hope you can see past this ugly physical shell to see the real me. I’m sorry you aren’t as fortunate as I, who gets to gaze into your eyes and see not only the inner beauty of your soul, but the outer beauty that I hope you come to realize.

thi[s] growing sensation [h]ere [in] b[e]tween

a day of welcome backs, good to see ya's, and here's what you missed. a day of being back in the routine of waking, schooling, and hanging out on a friday afternoon. a day of chuckles behind the backs of those dressed up and sometimes pointing and laughter in the direction of those we feel deem warrant public humiliation.

and i can't help but write about how we sat on a friends couch watching the dumbest movie i have ever seen, yet it was made ten times better by the fact my fingers were intertwined with yours. we sang, we danced, we laughed and it was the beauty in your white dress and black bowler that i finally realized the life i live is one i love to live. your soft and shy smile is what brightens my day, makes me not want to go home, but to lie there and just talk, giving each other sideways glances immediately followed by the shine in your eyes that could outshine the sun, no contest.

life is changing. the weather outside is growing cold, the sun is not as willing to come out on these fall and winter days. but on those days your brain just wont let you escape, will you escape with me? we will run away from this gloomy town and find you the sun, if only for a brief moment, to let it shine for you and release you from your cage. and it will be on the return trip that you realize you don't even need the sun high in the sky. it will be on the return trip that i hope you realize that i will shine till i burn out if it will bring that carefree smile to your face.

The Pawn and The Game

I can’t help but feel like a pawn in this huge game
I’m waiting to cross the board and become something better
I feel like all I do is follow the other pieces
And all I’m good for is a sacrifice in order to progress
But I’m here to say I’m tired of being on the front lines
I’m tired of being a tool for the use of some player
I will work my way across the black and white squares
And reach the final row where I can be transformed
From this lowly pawn into a powerful queen

The Silence That Killed Me

Today, I hold on to your whispering sing-a-longs (because that’s what kept me awake).

A journey, with expectations and the like. None of us were confident, but we arrived at our destination to joyous news that we all chuckled at and would remind ourselves of it when the biting cold was too much to bear.

But it was the silence that killed me. The dead air between us where I expected stunning conversation, full of sideways glances like they always are. Today, however was different.

Was you or was it me? Your body was two feet away from mine but your mind was a hundred miles away in a different time. Reminiscing about the last time you made this trip perhaps, with a completely different group of people. I know the feeling, you aren’t alone.

Then there was that brief moment, in the midst of the throbbing crowd where you looked up into my eyes and I looked down into yours and for that brief moment there wasn’t a thousand screaming fans way to close for comfort, there wasn’t the loud thump of the bass drum of the screeching singing, where it was just you and me. The world stopped, the world went mute, and my peripheral went blind. A spark formed, right there in the midst of sweat and blood and beer. That spark settled deep into my spirit and it warmed me and told me “this is where we belong, it will all be alright”.

But it was the silence that killed me. Soon after we were separated by the crowd like in a bad chick flick. I tried to get back to you but I just couldn’t, the crowd was too dense, the noise was too much.

And it was the silence on the return trip that killed me. It was obvious, how you would zone out and you would instantly be in another place and another time. How I wish I could’ve joined you. I wanted so hard to just extend my hand and grab yours and bring you back to the world of the living and the present time, but I was scared. Scared of the consequences of perhaps moving too quickly, of maybe distracting you from what you thought was important. So I didn’t. I focused on the white reflectors on my side of the lane and drove, drove for what seemed like years but was only hours. I took you home and I hoped, I prayed that we could exchange some form of goodbye that would be meaningful, that would make up for my lack of pursuit these past weeks. But none came. You were getting out of my car, but in your mind you were somewhere else. You were no where near me in any way, shape, or form except physically.

I drove home and stretched out on my bed, knowing I would be waking up in five hours and that you would be awake at that moment too. All the cheesy and romantic things I ever thought of came flooding into my mind, of what I could do to possibly make this worth while. I walked out on my porch, numb to the horrible cold, and looked to the sky, wondering if you were looking up and seeing the same stars I saw.

I fall asleep with you on my mind. I can almost feel your soft, cold lips pressed against mine even though I have never felt them. At that moment I decided that I have gotten the crap kicked out of me by love. I never want to admit it, but I can’t hold it in any longer. I woke up and the first thing I saw was your beautiful face in my mind’s eye and I was terrified of the possibility that we can never be together.

But then I read what you said, about crying and weeping over the past year and the differences between the then and now and I can’t help but think it’s all my fault. I was the one that brought you back to that spot and brought back memories apparently you didn’t want. At that moment, I cried with you. Cause I have been there. I know the feeling of the blackness ever consuming. You were there to bring me out, and now I hope I can be here for you.

Sitting here, I just wish we could be back in that crowd, with your body semi-willingly pressed against mine by the crowd and your eyes (which could outshine the sun, no contest) gazing into mine, where we were both in a world devoid of anything else, and you didn’t have to remember the memories that brought you so much pain.

i appearantly walk a thin line

today i had an opportunity. an opportunity to shed light on the way i think, the way i feel. now all i've done is question everything i've ever thought, everything i've ever believed. its a nice feeling; as least i am not so grounded and blinded that i cannot change, but its also a little disconcerting because what if i have been wrong all this years? does that make me stupid, ignorant, or blinded by what i have chosen to see?

does what you believe define someone? depending on the topic i would normally say yes, but now im not so certain. where is the line between respect and acceptance? i was told today that its a very thin line i walk and appearently so, but is a line worth treading at all? is it even possible to respect someones beliefs without agreeing? it is so hard, because if you respect it long enough eventually you will come to accept it. how does one go about questioning things or discussing things without bias or without emotion or without distaste? i have a reputation of being open-minded, but the religion/relationship with God i have tells me that i believe in something very close-minded. "I am the way, the Truth, and the Life, no one comes to Father but through me" Jesus said. is there a difference in being open-minded to someone elses ideas and beliefs while knowing that if they don't agree with me they're wrong? i have faith in my God, 100%. does that make me a bad person? because what i believe says that everyone that disagrees is going to hell, does that make me a bad person? some would say yes

Saturday

*this is me returning to my habit of writing cheesy songs about good days*

The day we got up early to watch the sunrise
Even though the fog blocked out the sun
I still got to see the view I was hoping for

Cause baby your eyes shine like the brightest jewel
And every time we touch its seems like you're just adding fuel
You smile and my world shatters like a pane of glass
We stand there on top of the world, we’re here at last
I just wish I could go back to Saturday

It’s the day we were sitting on your best friends couch
Watching a movie even though we both know
I wasn't paying the TV a bit of attention

Cause baby your eyes shine like the brightest jewel
And every time we touch its seems like you're just adding fuel
You smile and my world shatters like a pane of glass
We stand there on top of the world, we’re here at last
I just wish I could go back to Saturday

Looking back on that day
I can’t help but stare at pictures you took
The one with my arm around you
Or maybe the one you took
Of my lying on the grass
This is true love, this is life

Cause baby your eyes shine like the brightest jewel
And every time we touch its seems like you're just adding fuel
You smile and my world shatters like a pane of glass
We stand there on top of the world, we’re here at last
I just wish I could go back to Saturday

Today, yesterday, tomorrow

Today has potential
Today has the potential of being something great, something that wasn’t before
Today has potential

But yesterday, yesterday is inconsequential
There is no looking back, because today is where the potential lies, yesterday’s potential has passed
Yesterday is gone

But tomorrow, tomorrow doesn’t matter
Does the bird worry where it will get its food the next day? Does not our God care even more for us?
Tomorrow will never come

Today, today is where the potential for greatness lies

can't help but write

Can't help but write. It's supposed to be an English paper due in three days but i just can't work on it. One I don't have my books. Two I just can't focus.

Explaining some stuff to my parents turned out to be an enormous deal. I just wanted to go camping this weekend and it somehow turned into a discussion about these friends that would shove me into the "bitch tent" because of my parents rules, but not only that but because of my beliefs and attempt at purity. These are also the group of friends who poke fun at a college I want to go to because I'm not allowed to drink or watch R movies. Heck, I know nothing will happen, but I think that one statement opened up my parents eyes to my world, where nothing is for sure and the things you thought were true are no longer firmly founded. It's a growing phase for sure. But it definitely get me thinking. My parents don't know anything really about my friends other than half of them don't believe in the things I do and I want to scream and yell and cry and explain that that isn't all in life. I can't force anyone to believe in my God, I can only show them that my God is an incredible gift that I have been given even though I am a terrible person and He is available to all. It got me thinking is this where I need to be? Is this where I thought I'd be? A year ago I would've never even attempted to go on a camping trip with girls and guys and no parents, now I didn't even give it a second thought. Four hours ago I would've said that is because the things around me changed, but now I'm starting to think I am the one who has changed.

And I can't decide if it's for the best. I have an awesome set of friends, some Christians, some confused, some unbelievers. It's been said that it's easier to be brought down then to bring other people up and it's completely true. I've started cussing and using more coarse jokes. But I've also found my creative side, I've grown to understand a different side of the God I was shown in Sunday School, and I've found friends that make me happy. We never due anything wrong, but every now and then I get this guilty feeling and I wonder what I've forgotten and I can't seem to remember. Is this the right path? or did somewhere down the path of life did I get turned around?

When people told me they did a lot of bad stuff because of the people they were hanging out with I always knew I would never be that guy, that I would surround myself with good people. And I think I have, I love every single one of my friends. But I can't help but feel like I'm being brought down and not doing enough bringing up. If only I knew what has changed in other peoples lives because of me. I told one of my friends this week that he has become the face of homosexuality for me. I wonder, am I the face of Christianity for him? And if I am, should I be? Does my life reflect the Christ I wish to show or does it reflect the people around me?

untitled as of today

my heart quickly beating
my hands simply shaking
my prayer quietly being whispered

its more than simple affection
its the way i can't get you out of my head
when you're not in my arms

a quick drawn breath,
your head leaned against mine
my prayer possibly being answered

i get up to leave,
you give my hand a quick squeeze
the imprint of your hand will never fade

a scary drive home
i just can't focus on the road
because your face seems to fill my vision

this is decision time
do i take the plunge to the unknown
or do i simply let you go as a memory

On the eve of my turning eighteen...

...and a lot has changed. I would like to say that I have grown up where necessary and have been able to stay a unruly teenager in others (hehe :D).

My friends are probably one of the biggest change from Sept 17, 2007 to Sept 17, 2008 and to anyone who reads my notes knows I love it. My eyes have been opened to a world beyond what I even knew existed; a world where people can cooperate even if they believe in different things.

The way I look at my faith has also changed in the past year. I used to think of God as the Savior of the world, but now I know He is so much more: He is the Savior of my soul. He's the reason I can get up in the morning breathing. His love is so tangible that I feel like I walk through it everyday.

A lot has also stayed the same. I still attend MVBC (rock on), I still play for our praise band (even though I now contribute some vocals every now and then), and I still drink Mt. Dew (but in much more moderation...unless I'm a Christian's house, then it's on).

A lot has come back to get me though. I can see the problems I have right now as problems I thought I had left behind so long ago. I've been depressed a lot lately and even though I think I've identified the culprit it's hard to move past. Hopefully in time. But speaking of being depressed, a lot is different this time around. My last bought with depression was mostly over a huge lack of self-confidence and other ghosts from the past. This time it's more of a girl thing. Seems every time I try to get attention I lose it, then when I don't want the attention is when I get it. Some wouldn't see this as a huge problem, but it is for me because the people I care about slip away and I can't seem to make it OK. I try to figure out what went wrong and I can't. It sucks by the way.

So today, my last day being 17, sucked. But hopefully when I wake up the magic of being 18 will wipe it all away. I'm not holding my breath.
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I thought I'd tack on this little thought:
My new friend Spencer was sharing his testimony and it reminded me a lot of my own life. I struggle with being accepted a lot. Everyone stuggles with it in some way, shape, or form but it seems to be a really big deal for me. Partly because of my past I guess, but I hate it regardless. I wish I believed in myself enough to not care what other people think, but whenever someone I care about is angry with me and I don't know it is so hard. From past attempts I know it's futile to try to fix it, so I guess right now I'm gonna let it be.

But can I just encourage you guys not to worry about what other people think? Maybe we can go through this together. I can picture some of us being our own little revolution, a revolution where we do what we want not because other people influence us to do them, but because we want to and we can make our own decisions.


*i originally posted this on my facebook notes on the night before my birthday, september 17th. sorry for the delay in posting it here*

White Lines and White Lies

*this is not of past or present events, but hopefully sometime in the future*

This is where white lines and white lies cross
And I pray to God we are not lost
A traveled road is a path to somewhere
But we met on a less worn road

We drive down a road, not talking about much
But as fate would have it, we accidentally touch
A spark is formed, the match is lit
This helpless romantic is thrown from his pit

As we walked you took my hand
You complained about the weather, but I love it
Because you get up close and we wrap up tight
As we lay on the snow and gaze at the night

As the season changes, so do you
Gone are the days of your dark blue hue
The sun comes up and melts your icy edges
As we watch leaves grow on top of stone ledges

And from out of the darkness comes a light
You make me feel like a winner in this fight
From that light there comes a sound
We were lost, but thank God now we are found

This is where white lines and white lies cross
And I thank God we are not lost
A traveled road is a path to somewhere
We are now on a less worn road

To cuss or not to cuss...is that a question?

Surprisingly for myself, the question of cussing has come up recently among me and my friends, especially when I began using some "minor" swear words. I had myself a little pow-wow with a piece of paper, pencil and my Bible to try to discover should Christians cuss.

*Disclaimer: if your parents/guardians tells you shouldn't cuss, you shouldn't cuss. God has commanded us to respect our elders and the authorities He has placed over us. If you're looking for a way out of it, there isn't one. The only gray area is when you move out and your parents are taking care of you anymore. That is the only way I think that you can do something against your parents. At that point parent's can give us advice, but in the end it's up to God.*

*Disclaimer 2: I will be using censored versions of words for clarification, so if that offends you please don't tell me it does. I warned you*

Outside of that, should Christians cuss? What I found interesting is that although the Scriptures do tell us to let unholy words come out of our lips, it doesn't really specify in that passage what "unholy words" are. You look elsewhere and find that Jesus speaks against coarse joking, putting other people down with our words, and lying but He doesn't come right out say "You shouldn't cuss". This is most likely because there wasn't any real "cuss" words around in 30 AD. So how do we apply this to today?

One of my friends said that cuss words are just jumbled up letters that people have formed bad connotations to. Most people don't immediately freak out when someone says "poop" but some people do when you drop the s-bomb. Same meaning, but society has attached bad connotations to it. Here's my opinion.

Christians shouldn't use cuss words to put down other people. You shouldn't put other people down period. An example would be "Look at her, she looks like a piece of s***." An example of not putting someone down is when you stub your toe and you cry out the s-bomb.

Like I said, I'm not sure about this one. This one is more for discussion.

Music Review #4 - Underoath: Lost In the Sound of Seperation

I don't know if anyone besides me checks out the website JesusFreakHideout.com much, but I visit there everyday in order to keep up with new Christian music releases and the such. Well Underoath's new cd "Lost In the Sound of Seperation" came out Tuesday, and they just poster their "review" of it last night/this morning. I was pretty disappointed in their review. They rated it what I would've rated it, but the actual body of the review was pathetic, so hopefully in the next day or so I'll write my own review for it on here. Be on the lookout!
---------------------------------------------------------

Artist: Underoath
Album: Lost In the Sound of Separation
Label: Solid State Records
Release Date: 09/02/08

Rating: ********** 10/10

I've been a fan of Underoath since around 2006 when I first heard their single "Reinventing Your Exit" on their CD "They're Only Chasing Safety". At the time I was a huge screamo/hardcore fan, so there was a select few songs on TOCS that I really enjoyed and only enjoyed those because of the singing of Aaron Gillespie, vocalist/drummer. When Underoath released their album "Define the Great Line" summer 2006 and it was marginally more hardcore then TOCS, I didn't really give it a good listen. Two years later, I have to appreciate the hardcore genre more. Looking back TOCS was my favorite Underoath album, but I enjoyed DTGL much more. Earlier this week however Underoath released their fifth studio album (third with vocalist Spencer Chamberlain), "Lost In the Sound of Seperation" I had a new favorite CD.

Not only is "Lost In the Sound..." a beautiful album, it also has many more Christian references that you can understand as you listen through the CD. The brutal CD opener "Breathing In a New Mentality" opens with the line "I'm the desperate, You're the Savior", a pretty blatant Christian reference for Underoath.

Musically I think Lost In the Sound of Separation is somewhere in between TOCS and DTGL. The whole album is overall more brutal and chaotic, but their are also times where they will bring it down some. On the second to last track on the album "Too Bright To See, Too Loud to Hear", non-screaming vocalist Aaron Gillespie does a good majority of the singing, a first for Underoath. This is also one of my favorite track on the CD because it really shows new maturity and real breaking ground for Underoath.

Album highlights include: "Breathing In A New Mentality", "Anyone Can Dig A Hole But It Takes A Real Man To Call It Home", "A Fault Line, A Fault of Mine",.....heck the whole album is a highlight. In all honesty, go to iTunes, spend the $10. It's cheaper than anywhere else plus you get a cool 15 minutes "Making Of..." video that is only available through the iTunes store.

Go out, reach out, be the rescue

"We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love." - Jamie Tworkowski from "To Write Love On Her Arms: The Story"

How true is that? How often do we ask God to send rescue for someone we know? How often do we ask Him to bring change around us. But do we ever stop to wonder "What can I do to BE the change"? I think it's a pretty easy concept to grasp mentally and yet so hard to begin to practice.

This is post to everyone in general. I'm gonna try to not to use my faith as something to spur you on because I want this to be something everyone can do, that everyone can understand. Maybe you see a friend of yours struggling with self-mutilation like I once did. Maybe you see a friend struggling with drugs, drinking, an eating disorder, or all of the above. How often have we walked by thinking "Wow I really hope they can get through that" or "I hope someone will reach out to them"?

I'm ashamed to say I've done it before. I talked with a friend and he told me about how he struggled with using marijuana and how he knew he was hanging out with the wrong people. I told him that he could make it through it and the conversation was over. We never talked about it again. I was kind of relieved at the time, but now looking back I wish I could've helped him. Several months later he told me and my friends how he had thrown away all of his drub paraphernalia and how he was going to try to turn his life around, and I am proud to say he did. But was I there to help? Was I there to be his rescue? No. (If you're this guy and you're reading this, I hope you'll forgive for being a crappy friend.)

I won't make the same mistake again. So how bout you? Are you ready to go and be someone's rescue? There are people all around us with needs and burdens. Sometimes its ourselves that need rescuing.

I hope that you will feel convicted of something by reading this. Please don't read this and think "Yeah more people should do this". Think "Yeah, I should be doing this".

God bless you all. Go out, reach out, be the rescue.

Music Review #3 - Hillsong Live: "This Is Our God"

Artist: Hillsong
Album: This Is Our God
Label: Integrity
Release Date: August 12, 2008

Rating: 6/10

So I LOVE Hillsong United. They have basically shaped youth group worship sets since their 2001 release "Look To You". Anyone who has attended a youth worship service or camp has heard their popular songs "Salvation Is Here", "The Time Has Come", and "From the Inside Out". That being said, Hillsong (the church's adult band) has recently released an album that I can't say I'm all too thrilled about.

Long time worship leader Darlene Zschech has noticed United's worldwide success and has minimized her leadership role on the Hillsong team, allowing new and old faces and chance at the mic and pen. Unfortunately this also causes a problem: not everyone can write corporate worship songs. You have to listen to the first 5 songs before you can get to the first song that is up to Hillsong caliber, "High and Lifted Up", and surprise surprise it's the only song Zschech wrote on this album.

A new (and good) face to the Hillsong and Hillsong United team is Brooke Frasier. Not only does she work with the Hillsong teams, she is also a successful Aussie songwriter herself. Her two contributions to "This Is Our King" are the songs "Desert Song" and "You'll Come", both strong worship songs. The big ripple in the pond for me is the song "Healer" by Mike Guglielmucci. Guglielmucci wrote this song after he was diagnosed with a terminal cancer, and during the recording concert he actually had to wear an oxygen machine in order to perform. This does not hinder the worship though, and "Healer" is the one song I can recommend to anyone who listens to Christian music. Zschech herself said that she had never heard the church sing before quite like did during "Healer". On the DVD, Guglielmucci beings the song by reading the passage from Isaiah about by "His wounds we are healed", a very emotional and inspiring opening to an amazing song.

Unfortunately four songs are not enough to redeem a 16 song album, so I can't exactly recommend this CD as enthusiastically as I would like to. If you want to get the highlights, get the songs "High and Lifted Up", "Desert Song", and "Healer".

I hate stereotypes

So this just came to mind today as I was hiking with some friends: I hate stereotypes.

A girl I hadn't talked to in 5 months asking me if I smoked weed because I hung out with people who other people thought did drugs...even though they don't. In fact they hate it as much as I do.

I love this group of friends. Me and my friend stayed up till 6:30am at a friends house talking and we talked about why our group is so awesome. One of her comments was "I think we're so tight because we're just honest with each other." That doesn't really mean we tell the truth 100% of the time, but more that we're honest to ourselves around each other. There's no faking, no masks there. It's just honesty at it's purest, "This is who I am, take it or leave it". And I love it.

I hate to admit it, but when I hang around with my Christian friends I feel like I have to put up a front sometimes. That if I'm just not really feeling very "spiritual" that I have to kind of fake that in order to fit in. But with this other group of friends (I'm not going to call them my non-Christians because some are believers, plus I don't think religion can label everything) I can just be aggravated and it's a big deal. If I'm having a tough day, then I act like I'm having a tough day. And most of the time someone will ask me about it and just through talking about it, I always feel better. Which brings me to what I said about this new group of friends, we care about each other.

Sure there are some people who rub other people the wrong way, but you know what we deal with it. We hang out with them there anyway. Which is more than I can say for some Christians that I know. When you go to a different church service just because someone in the first made you angry, that's called stupidity. When you don't talk to someone because they have a reputation of doing "bad" stuff, that's called being judgmental. On the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus teaches to "not judge, so you won't be judged" (Matt 7:1).

Plus, we care about other people, even outside of our group. I usually try not to judge people right away, or use what somebody else tells me to decide if I like a person or not. I like making my own opinions on people. Yet, people are so quick to judge other people by they wear, by how they talk, by what kind of music they listen. Sure, these things can help you get an idea of what a person is like, but as far as judging them as "Christians" and "non-Christians" it's absolutely ridiculous. I've met people that automatically thinks that because someone is wearing a V-neck shirt they're gay (btw, I own a couple v-necks...what now?!?!) and if they're wearing a "I Love Jesus" shirt (you know what I'm talking about) they're a Christian. To be honest, I've met people who wear "Christian" shirts (can shirts be labeled Christian? do they have a soul? are they going to heaven? hmm...) that don't act like Christians at all. In the same sermon, Jesus says that "You will know people by their fruits" (Matt 7:16), or actions. Sure, we all screw up sometimes. You get the picture I think. Now, even though we can usually tell by actions, no one knows for 100% but the person and God. Keep that in mind.

So I hit a lot of points today, but this is my main one: don't judge people by what people say. Not only is it unfair to the person, it's stupid.

Plug: To Write Love On Her Arms

Anyone who knows me has see me wear one of my To Write Love On Her Arms shirts. If you don't know me, then you might have seen someone you do know where one. To Write Love On Her Arms is a non-profit organization that helps teenagers who struggle with depression and self-mutilation. I've added a banner to the bottom of this page, so go check them out. If for some reason it doesn't work, go to www.twloha.com

A One Hundred Piece Puzzle with Ninety-Nine Pieces

A One Hundred Piece Puzzle with Ninety-Nine Pieces

[V1]
My life it sometimes falls to pieces
And every now and then you’re there
To pick up the pieces
But what happens when you take the piece
That belongs to you and don’t come back
Now I’m incomplete

[Chorus]
This picture is made of different pieces
Some are bigger than others, some are smaller
But yours is the biggest and go right in the middle
Without yours this picture is lacking clarity

[V2]
Now I’m just sitting here staring
At the picture that is my life, but it’s missing
You
All there is is a note of how you left on a train
And you only bought a one-way ticket
You’re never coming back

[Chorus]

[Bridge]
But what a miracle
There’s someone out there that loves me
And gave me a replacement
And now I realize
That this picture of my life
Is better now without you

[Ending]
This picture is made of different pieces
Some are bigger than others, some are smaller
But yours was the biggest, it used to go in the middle
Without yours this picture is a complete work of art

Music Review #2 - Tobymac: Alive and Transported (CD/DVD)

Artist: tobyMac
Album: Alive and Transported (CD/DVD)
Label: Forefront Records
Release Date: May 27, 2008

Rating: 10/10

So I borrowed this CD/DVD from my youth pastor, and at the time I hadn't listened to tobyMac since the last time I saw him in concert during the Winterjam Tour two years ago. I was a huge fan of him during my middle school and freshman year of high school. I've kinda gotten away from the rap/hip-hop scene in the past year, so much as to say I don't sit down and enjoy listening to rap/hip-hop 'cause it's not music to me. I say all of this because I thoroughly enjoyed Alive and Transported.

To all of you who have never seen tobyMac live: do it. Regardless of whether you enjoy his music or not (I don't, thats why I wrote that whole first paragraph) you will enjoy this, if not the CD then definitely the DVD.

The CD portion is good, its the audio from the whole show (same show as DVD), it's not like some artists that mix and match tracks (*cough* underoath *cough) or leave out tracks on the DVD (*cough* hillsong united *cough*). The live audio is very clean, you can hear the audience in between songs, even though the volume is the crowd is turned completely off during the song except for parts with audience participation. It even leaves in Toby's message and sharing the gospel. I personally love hearing when artists share their faith on stage, but some people don't so this is tacked on to the end of tracks so you can skip to the next song.

But the jewel of the package is the DVD, complete with the entire concert and an almost hour long documentary introducing Toby and his complete band and how they met Toby. The concert is pure brilliance, mainly because the choreography is incredible. All of the vocals are mixed well, my only beef is that the bass isn't quite as audible and that does take away from part of the experience of "feeling" the music, but I don't think it's enough to count against it. Some of the moves on stage are just reall cool to see, including one Sean Locke doing a backflip off of one of the amp cabniets and Toby jumping off a trampoline into the crowd.

Overall, worth every cent you will spend to get his package.

In Response

This is a response to one of my friends notes on facebook, but i thought id post it here as well cause i like it alot.
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sometimes life rolls around us like a thundercloud, preparing to strike out. other times it surrounds us, suffocating us like the waves of the salty ocean. other times it is invigorating, like the smell of early morning on a rainy day. but what is life if it is not imaginative? when life has become nothing, like the void, we panic and breathe heavy even though there is nothing to breathe. we scream and scream for someone to save us, even though we know no one is there. but then, out of the darkness, comes a hand a reassuring hand. a hand that grabs us by the hand and pulls out of that void that used to be called life. but now it is called death, not because we died in that void, but because death died in that void. we look around and we see the people that were there all along, our friends and loving family. we start to say thanks, but they know already. we sit and laugh and play and dance and sing and capture the moment, the moment of true joy. that joy wells up like a blocked spring of the purest water, and no matter what we do it gushes out. and this joy is special because it is contagious, and soon all of you are filled with this overwhelming joy. and there is nothing that can take that away, not in this world or the next.

The Colbert Report: The Word - Fight to the Furnish

This is the clip of The Word from The Colbert Report from July 22, 2008. The Colbert Report shows on Comedy Central weekday nights at 11:30pm.

Music Review #1: The Classic Crime - "The Silver Cord"

So I love music, and I've always enjoyed critiquing music, so I've decided to start doing music reviews on here! *cue applause*. I don't know how often these will be, probably whenever I get new music. I'll also do some older stuff in my spare time. Hope you guys enjoy!



Artist: The Classic Crime
Album: The Silver Cord
Label: Tooth and Nail Records
Release Date: 07.22.08

Rating: 9.5/10

I've loved The Classic Crime for several years now, ever since the release of their debut CD, "Albatross". Coming in to listen "The Silver Cord", I had high expectations. Their acoustic EP, "Seattle Sessions" that was release in the past year revealed a more mature band than "Albatross" had brought to us, and I was prepared to hear a different band from two years ago, but what hit my ears was more than just more mature, it was beautiful.

Opening with a short track, "The End", displays TCC's lyrical genius. Principal songwriter/lead vocalist Matt MacDonald really shines in this CD, and "The End" was just the beginning, no pun intended. After the under two-minute opening, standout songs "Just A Man" and "Gravedigging" please the listener with well produced effects, crunching guitar riffs and MacDonald's mature and raw vocals. Halfway through the comparably long album (this CD clocks in with a hefty 15 songs, just under an hour long), we come to the first single from this CD, "Abracadavers". I love this song. Its intense guitars, MacDonald's almost-screaming vocals and an all-around catchy lyrics and beat really drive home the emotion of this song. The rest of the album is similarly compelling, offering standout tracks "Medisin", "Sing", and the album's only instumental, "The Ascent".

Overall, this is an album I would recommend to every listener of the general rock genre. Lyrically this band is as clean as could be, so cautious parents you need not worry with this band. What I find most intriguing about this band their newest CD is their belief about the whole "Christian Band" label pinned on them. The record label they are signed to, Tooth and Nail Records, isn't an exclusively Christian label, but a majority of their bands are marketed for the Christian music market, but TCC wants to throw off that label and become their own. This is a post off TCC's forum posted by the lead vocalist Matt MacDonald:

I get this question a lot:

OK, i dont know if or when you might respond, but to stat off i will tell you that i am a big fan of you guys and i was just wondering one thing, i know people consider you a Christian band and i do too, but do you consider yourselves that? And looking at the lyrics and interpretations of We All Look Elsewhere and i see the Christian interpretation of it and i, myself see it that way but people from varius sources see it as a song about getting over drugs as well with the "straight line" portion of the song referring to cocaine. Get back to me if you can.


God Bless,
A South Dakotant

I'd like to answer this on our news forum, because I think a lot of people have asked if we consider ourselves a "christian" band or not. The answer is no, and there are numerous reasons why. Hopefully by sharing those with you I can shed some light on the topic.

Reason #1: We feel the term "christian" has been abused in years passed, especially by Americans, and thus has been associated with other words like; judgemental, narrow-minded, pious, self-righteous, exclusive, etc. Jesus was none of those things, and we're sure He would not want us associating who we are with those types of words.

Reason #2: We believe faith is personal, and can be only held by an individual person. To entitle a group "christian" would be to assume that the group has a collective soul, or at least individual souls tied to a solid collective belief. Not everyone in our band is decidedly set in their faith, and we respect that.

Reason #3: We do not prefer to endorse an industry that currently thrives on exclusivity.

Reason #4: We would like our music to reach the mainstream. Bob Dylan once said, "People want to label you so they can limit your accessability." We do not want our accessability limited by labeling ourselves something that has negative connotations in todays day and age.

To the Christians who listen to us: Thank you, we welcome your ears and your hearts. Its understandable you may have expectations for us based on the label we are signed to, but our music is not exclusively for you, and we cannot accept a label that will in most ways limit us to you alone. We also cannot accept a label that in its purest form we cannot live up to. "Christian" literally means, "little Christ." We are far from that in many ways, and we cannot live up to those heavy expectations, not to mention the added religious expectations of the "western church." All this aside, I do encourage and endorse people who wish to seek out and learn from the works, life and death of Jesus.

To everyone else who listens to us: Thank you so much for relating to our songs. The music we write is for people who struggle, people who have questions, and people that want to change their surroundings. We've all individually struggled with a lot of things, and we hope you can relate to our experience as its portrayed in our music. Thank you for looking deeper than surface level. We hope to continue our artist/listener relationship with you for a very long time.


With love always,

Matt and The Classic Crime

To be honest, I love this. I too don't like the words often pinned to the word "Christian". While I am not ashamed to say I am Christian, I am sometimes ashamed of how we as The Body of Christ act and judge people. So take this how you like, but if anything, I love and respect TCC for their honesty even more.


Zach Hall

Welcome to Earth, Where We're Sure To Disappoint

07/22/08 - 11:14am
*So I've changed around some stuff, nothing too major but I've changed around words to help along my chord changes that I've done since I wrote it. I've also changed the "God aweful" part to something a little less violent ;-). I'll update this ASAP.*

07/22/08 - 10:10pm
*I just edited this to it's semi-final version.*

[Verse 1]
I took your hand, you took mine
We walked down a dusty gravel lane
In one way or another we crossed a line
I'm sorry, but you’re too much pain.

[Pre-Chorus 1]
Why did you do this to us?
What did I do to end this between us?

[Chorus]
This is where we go in opposite ways
This is what we just have to do
You might not like it, I sure don't
I'm sorry to disappoint

[Verse 2]
You took my hand, I tried to let go
But you just wouldn't, you held on tight
Now I know just what I needed to show
In order to get past this God awful fight

[Pre-Chorus 2]
Why couldn’t you just let go?
What did I do to deserve this?

[Chorus]

[Bridge]
You came and cried on my shoulder
Why, oh why did you ever come back
You spread word I was depressed but to be honest
This is the happiest I've ever been

[Ending]
This is where we go in opposite ways
This is what we just have to do
You might not like it, but I sure do
I'm not sorry
I'm not sorry
But I'm a little dis - appointed too

Deception and Misconceptions

So I was reading another of my favorite blogs (the JesusFreakHideout blog...check out their website) and a guy on there said that sometimes we are deceived by "the world" AND "the church" and that rocked me. I had never thought about it like that, but we really are aren't we? Sometimes we accept what "the church" tells us as truth without checking up on it, and are deceived into thinking something that might not be true. Now I'm not saying that all churches lie, but no ones perfect. Sometimes we let tradition, personal feelings, and other things bias what we believe.

I know I've said this before, but we got to go back to what we KNOW is the Truth, The Bible. It is 100% true, no lies, no deception, no contradiction. If you want to know what to believe, take a look in there. What I've gotten in the habit of doing is after I hear a sermon or teaching I go back to what I know is absolutely true, the Bible, and compare what I heard and what I read. 98% of the time they agree, but sometimes I will find stuff that makes me think and have to dig a little deeper. Regardless of the outcome, you end up spending more time in the Word and learn more and more about God and His Will in your life.

God Blessed America

Anybody seen these bumper stickers, signs, posters, ads, etc. saying "God Bless America"? I find it incredibly American to think God hasn't already blessed America. Look at the stats. America is appx 6% of the world's population, yet it consumes 40% of the world's resources. Experts estimate that in order to feed every single person in the world, it would take 20 billion dollars. Thats how much Americans spend each year on ice cream.

It's incredible to even begin to think of how much God has blessed us in America. I'm 99.9% sure that everyone that reads this will eat tonight. That's just a given. But there are going to be 800 million people that will go without food today, 300 million of them are children.

What can we do to help?

I believe that Christians are saved in order to do good works. In the letter of Ephesians, Paul writes that we're saved by the grace of God through faith in Christ in order to do good deeds. I'm going to take it one step farther and say that God has blessed us in order to bless other people. You don't have to bless people with just money either. Sometimes, all people need is a loving word, or time. Maybe you could buy someones lunch for them (One time I paid for a person's lunch through the drive-thru. Not only was I able to bless them, it was just an awesome feeling!).

Maybe God has really blessed you financially. He might be calling you to give some of that money (that is His to begin with) to the poor or a charity that you know will really help the needy.

I hope that you will see that you are blessed to live in a country where you don't have to worry about necessities. May you be able to bless because you are blessed.

Lately

So lately I've this ominous feeling over my head. I don't really know what it's all about, but it's there. There's been a lot of complicated stuff going on, including but not limited to: me being without my car, the car I was driving breaking, drama with several friends, and just not hanging out with anyone lately. The hanging out part is my fault, I've been out of town and having to take care of stuff at home.

I would say that my "friends" situation is weird. I have two very separate groups of friends: my "church" friends, and then the rest of my friends basically. I love both equally, but I feel like I hang out with one a lot more than the other and the other is now mad because of that. But is it entirely my fault? I don't really get invited to do stuff with them, so I don't really hang out with them. I don't really plan stuff, but I love just being there for the ride. I love just sitting around, even if we aren't doing anything, just because I love being with awesome friends. All of my friends are incredible.

Then there was the whole thing that my posts "From the Real to the Fake" and "A Venting" refer to. First off I'd like to say that that has been resolved-ish. The outcome wasn't what I wanted (or what I still want) but it's an acceptable compromise for now. Hopefully things will steadily get better and eventually to the way it was before, but that might just be wishful thinking on my part.

My parents are as heckling as ever. My mother just got home from a trip to her parents and I didn't even get a "How was your past couple days?". It was immediately what I needed to do around the house (even though the only reason there was something to do was because of a simple misunderstanding). My brother is grounded so he's all depressed and that doesn't exactly put me in the best mood.

On the upside I've been able to listen to a lot of good music lately, including Mayday Parade's "A Lesson In Romantics", John Mayer's "Where The Light Is - Live in Los Angeles", Relient K's "The Bird and the Bee Sides", and OneRepublic's "Dreaming Out Loud". All of this stuff is just incredible. I love music.

Waiting by Luke Hall

Here is a song my bro Luke wrote that I really like. I wish I had his talent, 'cause he's the man. So check it out, leave a comment to let him know what you think.

I think he might record this in upcoming weeks, and I hope he'll let me do some piano and maybe some backups. Oh well.

------------------------------------------------
V1:
I stare out of my window tonight
Thinking about the first goodbye
My only wish is that you stay
And forget all that is left behind

As the rain hits the window
My tears hit the ground
My head spins in circles
But when I come around
The only thing I think about
Is how it will happen
Will we be together
For one last time

Pre-Chorus:
The lights in the sky
Sing a song of distant sorrows
As we cry we try
To just think of tomorrow
When all of this will turn to grey
We both say that it’s okay.
We can’t wait until that day

Chorus:
We both sing the same song
And think of distant times
Mixing memories with thoughts
Sitting under the sky
I don’t know what to think
Now that we’re finally here
It feels so right
To be here with you

V2:
As the clouds are rolling in
Our light seems to fade
Like a small burnt-out candle
Suffocating in the shade

We stare at each other
Trying not to cry
Holding each other
Like it’s the last time
Only we have a connection
That no one else knows
As if our souls were one
Never giving up hope

Bridge
Chorus

From the Real to the Fake

This is a song I just wrote, please give me some honest input!

[V1]

How can something that felt so real

Turn out to be something so fake

We exchanged our goodbyes

And while I thought I was being cute

All I was was annoying

You say you need more time with God

I say “That’s cool, but what about us?”

I’m a little confused to this reasoning

The reasons for you letting me go

[Chorus]

You left being so pretty

You came back looking the same

But the outsides prettier than the in

I can’t help but compare the then to the now

Maybe I’m being a little pessimistic

But my glass isn’t half-empty, its bone dry

[V2]

Life is way to short to fuss over the niceties

So why did you lie all that time

We’ve exchanged our goodbyes

And while you thought you could fix this

All you’ve done is widen the wound

You said you need more time with God

I say “That’s cool, but what about us?”

I’m a little confused to this reasoning

The reasons for you letting me go

[Chorus]

[Bridge]

You said time heals all wounds

But these wounds are just too deep

The river might be too big

For me to build a bridge to get over it

[Chorus]

You said you need more time with God

I say “That’s cool, but what about us?”

I’m a little confused to this reasoning

The reasons for you letting me go

----------------
Now playing: Mayday Parade - I'd Hate To Be You When People Find Out What This Song Is About
via FoxyTunes

A Venting

I'm simply sitting. Just sitting and licking envelopes for a letter to go out.

Then, the text came. It was a text I thought I had waited so long for, but turned out to be one that I would always remember as a moment of sheer depression and sadness.

"I don't want to talk to you."

The words of Donkey from the movie Shrek come to mind: "You cut me deep Shrek, you cut me real deep just now." Except this wasn't a lovable, big green ogre. It was from someone I thought was a best friend, one I could turn to when I needed her. I guess the feeling wasn't as mutual as I had hoped.

What do you do in a situation like this? I responded "OK then", threw my phone against the wall and hoped I wouldn't hear the sound of my phone getting another text. My luck ran out today. I got another one, explaining why. Lets just say it didn't exactly meet my expectations of a explanation.

*ding* Just got another text. Pulled out the "I'm trying to do God's Will, so I'm not talking to you. What a self-confidence boost, God is telling people to stop talking to me (my sincere apologies to anyone who had to suffer through that). If you're ever tempted to do this, let me tell you the mature thing to do: tell the person that you're not talking to them BEFORE you start not talking to them. And try to explain it more than "You just wouldn't understand", cause you're right I don't understand. Throw me a bone here.

I guess this post is just me venting at the world. And girls, no offense I think.

I'm now going to finish my letters and go home and listen to some loud music and attempt to drown out the world.

Peace: Wanted, but never gained

Peace: how we strive for it.

I saw a friend's picture of a peace symbol spray painted on a roadblock. Her subtitle for it was "if only it were that simple" or something to that effect. That got me thinking, and we all know how dangerous that can be.

I love peace. I think God wants us to love peace. This is evident when He tells us "Blessed are the peacemakers" in Matthew 5. But will we ever gain peace?

Jesus tells us that evidence of the Second Coming of Christ is "wars and rumors of war". He tells us that he did not come to bring peace to the world "but to bring a sword". In the latter reference I don't think He meant a literal sword, but that by the simply fact of believing in Him there will be conflict between us and the world. And there should be conflict. But I'm getting off track here.

My point is this: Until Jesus returns and takes away His Church (not a literal building, but Christians, whom He calls the Church) there will be violence. How I wish it weren't so, but thats the truth.

I'm not saying we don't need to strive for peace. Like I said earlier, God wants us to be peaceful with our neighbor. But not everyone believes in Him. Heck, even after Jesus reigns over earth for 1000 years there will still be people who won't believe He is the Savior of the world.

I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say here to be honest. I guess I'm saying to not be surprised when world peace is never achieved. But I can tell you this with absolute certainty: the turmoil inside your own life, God can give you peace.

That is all.

Entry from a Journal of a Semi-Stressed Christian Teen

The title is basically the intro to this post...basically.

So I was thinking today how hard it is to be a teenager and to still be "on fire" for the Lord. The answer I came up with is "it's really tough". I mean think of all the stuff we have to put up with. All the "popular" kids going out and drinking, getting high, and lounging around smoking cigars; parents trying to steer your life where they want it to go, without really asking prior approval; pressure from church to "do what's right"; if you'll be old enough, who to vote for come November. Craziness out the wazoo (yeah, it's a real word. Google it.) It being summer makes it a lot harder. Now you have 8 more hours to do stuff rather than be in school. You could get a job (as if life isn't stressful enough), you can chill out at home (Xbox and Facebook...can life get better?), you chill with friends (especially if it's Wacky Wednesday and Hungry Howies). Craziness out the wazoo (again). So whats a Christian brother supposed to do?

I've found that because it's summer, I have much more time to do stuff I know I shouldn't do. But I also found that I now have no excuse to not be doing stuff I should do.

God has called all of us to try to live the life He displayed for us in the 30 odd years He was on this earth. He called us to "be Holy, as I am Holy". That's a really tough goal. How do you do it? In Matthew 4, you see Jesus in the desert being tempted by Satan. Satan tempts Jesus with even ruling the world, and Jesus said no. How was He able to do that? If you look in the passage, Jesus always quotes Scripture! "For it is written..." WOOBAM!!! Mental note to self: "Know the Word and what it says about stuff I deal with." Now that I don't have to be waking up at 6 in the morning to go to school, I can spend a whole lot more time in the Word! If you look through out the gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John), Jesus does a lot of going off by Himself and praying. Sure, we can pray wheneve, wherever, however, but there's something about being by yourself and pouring out your worries to God, thanking Him for what He's done in your life. It's awesome.

So...thats the end of this first little entry. I don't even know if anyone's gonna be reading this, but hopefully someone will get something out of it. Hahaha. God bless, peace out.

Love vs. Compromise: Letters from Revelation 2

So while I was on vacation this past week I was reading a really good book called "Why We're Not Emergent (By Two Guys that Should Be)" by Kevin DeYoung and Ted Kluck. I'm not trying to promote the book (even though it's really good) and we can save the emergent discussion for another day (if you're REALLY interested in knowing you can message me on Facebook or email me); I'm just setting the backdrop here. In the very last chapter of the book, Kevin talks about two of the letters written to churches in Revelation (For those of you who didn't know, Revelation isn't all prophesy and all that jazz. The first 3 chapters are letters to seven churches; commending some and scolding others.).

In Rev. 2 there are to churches I'd like to talk about, The Loveless Church (this is what my version of the Bible calls it, it might be different in yours) and The Compromising Church (their real names are Ephesus and Pergamos respectively).

I think the youth of today's generation have a stereotypical viewing of the church as it is in today's America: stifling, dogmatic, anti-fun, and judgemental. These are the things the church in Ephesus (the loveless church) was being condemned for. While they were teaching the correct doctrine, they weren't being loving to their fellow brother or sister in Christ or to the sinners in their area.

Timeout: there was a group of people in the area of Ephesus called the Nicolaitans, who can basically be described as "do-as-you-please" people. They had no moral law or conscience it seemed. Okay...Time-in.

John (the author of Revelation) thanks the Ephesians for not following the ways of the Nicolaitans, which he "also hates" (v. 6 NKJV). But he tells them that they have forgotten their "first love". At first glance this might not strike a chord because it doesn't say out right what their "first love" was. I believe this refers to love in general. In Ephesians 1 (a previous letter written to the church in Ephesus by the Apostle Paul) Paul thanks the church of Ephesus for being loving. But it seems in the years between the letters of Ephesians and John's letter in Revelation that the people have become cold hearted and apathetic to the feelings of others.

I think this is how the youth of my generation sees the church: the doctrine itself is fine, but the way it's delivered is the problem. That it's not a loving message of repentence, but one of judgment and fire and brimstone. I'm not going to say that there isn't a church like that, but I am going to tell you that there are churches that are not like that. The church I attend, Mt Vernon Church, does a good job overall of being loving towards others.

But there is a flipside. When do we become so loving, that we compromise our own beliefs to keep from offending anyone? This is the problem the church in Pergamos.

John's letter tells us that he commends the Pergamos church for being faithful through times of trial (one of their own was martyred, a man by the name of Antipas), but he's got a beef with them also. He says that they have people in their "congregation" who believed in the doctrine of Balaam (in the Old Testament is the story of Balaam and his talking donkey. However if you look more in the OT, you will find Balaam is one of the advisors to the Pharaoh of Egypt and he suggested that the Pharaoh enslave the Jewish people, God's People. A no-no.). Again the Nicolaitans come into play in this letter; this time John is saying that they have followed the way of the Nicolaitans and they need to repent.

Clearly the church at Pergamos took the "love" too far and compromised what they already had been taught by God and His followers.

I hope you got through all this and got something out of it, haha. But if you get one thing out of this post get this: Don't compromise what the Bible tells you to do in order to not offend someone. God would rather them be offended than you disobey Him. God bless you guys, until next time.