Can't help but write. It's supposed to be an English paper due in three days but i just can't work on it. One I don't have my books. Two I just can't focus.
Explaining some stuff to my parents turned out to be an enormous deal. I just wanted to go camping this weekend and it somehow turned into a discussion about these friends that would shove me into the "bitch tent" because of my parents rules, but not only that but because of my beliefs and attempt at purity. These are also the group of friends who poke fun at a college I want to go to because I'm not allowed to drink or watch R movies. Heck, I know nothing will happen, but I think that one statement opened up my parents eyes to my world, where nothing is for sure and the things you thought were true are no longer firmly founded. It's a growing phase for sure. But it definitely get me thinking. My parents don't know anything really about my friends other than half of them don't believe in the things I do and I want to scream and yell and cry and explain that that isn't all in life. I can't force anyone to believe in my God, I can only show them that my God is an incredible gift that I have been given even though I am a terrible person and He is available to all. It got me thinking is this where I need to be? Is this where I thought I'd be? A year ago I would've never even attempted to go on a camping trip with girls and guys and no parents, now I didn't even give it a second thought. Four hours ago I would've said that is because the things around me changed, but now I'm starting to think I am the one who has changed.
And I can't decide if it's for the best. I have an awesome set of friends, some Christians, some confused, some unbelievers. It's been said that it's easier to be brought down then to bring other people up and it's completely true. I've started cussing and using more coarse jokes. But I've also found my creative side, I've grown to understand a different side of the God I was shown in Sunday School, and I've found friends that make me happy. We never due anything wrong, but every now and then I get this guilty feeling and I wonder what I've forgotten and I can't seem to remember. Is this the right path? or did somewhere down the path of life did I get turned around?
When people told me they did a lot of bad stuff because of the people they were hanging out with I always knew I would never be that guy, that I would surround myself with good people. And I think I have, I love every single one of my friends. But I can't help but feel like I'm being brought down and not doing enough bringing up. If only I knew what has changed in other peoples lives because of me. I told one of my friends this week that he has become the face of homosexuality for me. I wonder, am I the face of Christianity for him? And if I am, should I be? Does my life reflect the Christ I wish to show or does it reflect the people around me?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
i get that exact feeling. I really don't have any friends who are so close with God. I do not try to convert my friends or force them to abide by the rules i live by as a Christian. My friends are not bad people but i do find myself feeling guilty sometimes.
The thing is I never went to church as a kid. No one ever read me the Bible. No one ever told me about our Lord or Jesus. i don't know how it started but for as long as i can remember i have been a christian and believed that God watched out for me. My mother is atheist and i don't really know what my dad believes. My family isn't really religious. Anyway, it's always been my choice to be religious. i actually did go through a period of not being religious. It isn't that i no longer believed in God or my Christian faith i just stopped thinking about it, stopped reading the Bible and stopped praying. I call it the "Dark Ages" and after it was like my "rennaisance". whoops. i don't know why i'm like telling you my life story haha sorry. well i hope all is well. god bless.
Post a Comment